TLDR:
Honesty provides a strong foundation in the treatment of eating disorders, sexual compulsions, and other addictive behaviors. Honesty in recovery leads to:
Decreased shame
Increased accountability
Increased support
More power over addictive behaviors
Clients working toward recovery must learn to be honest with themselves, their therapist, and at least one support person.
Recovery from any sort of addictive or compulsive behavior requires a lot of structure and hard work. Recovery will often involve mental health treatment and supportive family and friends. I'm experienced in treating those who struggle with substance use, pornography and sexual compulsions, and eating disorders–all of which have an addictive process. These and other addictions/compulsions (like gambling, gaming, shopping etc.) have a similar course in that the unhelpful coping behavior becomes increasingly automatic and more frequent and severe.
Honesty in Recovery is Necessary to Stop the Negative Cycle
Let me explain. Oftentimes, the addictive behavior is secretive. The person may feel shameful about depending on harmful coping behaviors and will go to great lengths to hide their behaviors from loved ones. They don't want others to discover that they have a problem. The person may want to continue with the addiction because they can't imagine life without it. Often they don’t have the coping skills to manage the stress of life and difficult emotions without the addiction.
Sometimes the person may feel so shameful about their addictive behaviors that they would rather die with their secret than seek help. These feelings of fear and shame often contribute to behaviors of secrecy, especially lying and dishonesty. When a person "gets caught" in their addictive behavior, sometimes they feel a sense of relief (besides the anger, resentment, embarrassment, guilt, and/or shame) because the efforts of hiding can be mentally and emotionally exhausting.
Seeking Honesty
When someone is ready to work toward recovery from addictive behaviors, one of the first things I introduce into treatment is honesty. Secrets, hiding, and lies feed the addiction and make those harmful coping behaviors more likely to happen. Secrecy also increases shame, which hinders recovery because shame is another difficult emotion that will need to be dealt with using positive coping skills that the person often has difficulty implementing (thus the reliance on the addiction). When a person can be honest in recovery about their behavior, they can begin to let go of the addiction. The shame they feel will begin to decrease, and it can be dealt with in more positive ways.
Think of it this way. Have you ever had an embarrassing moment that you didn't want to share with anyone? But then you shared it with someone supportive? You probably felt some relief and the embarrassment and shame you may have felt also lessened. Being vulnerable and truthful about who we really are actually helps us feel more confident and less ashamed. It takes away the power of the embarrassing moment.
We are social creatures, and we desire to connect with others and share experiences. When we keep our experiences hidden away, we begin to feel less connected, more lonely, and less confident. Sharing our experiences with others allows us to be more genuine and true to ourselves. In other words, we are able to present a more honest version of ourselves.
Honest with Whom?
Honesty in recovery requires being honest with three people: oneself (the client), the therapist, and at least one supportive loved one. The client needs to understand the severity of their problem and honestly acknowledge the possibility that they may need to make changes. Sometimes this takes time, and the therapist will help the client in this journey to become more honest with themselves.
As a therapist, I will ask my client to be honest in recovery with me about their addictive behaviors. I want to know what it has been like in the past, and I will invite the client to be honest with me about behaviors that occur over the course of treatment. I strive to provide a non-judgmental and compassionate space to help the client feel safe enough to be honest.
I will also encourage my client to include at least one support person with whom they can be totally honest. Sometimes this support person has been hurt by their behaviors, and the client’s honesty can help repair the relationship. The support person will help the client be accountable.
Sometimes I establish daily check-ins with the client and their support person to help address problematic behaviors sooner, rather than waiting for the next therapy appointment. That way, the client can break the cycle of secrecy that feeds the addiction and keep shame from growing too big.
Life in recovery requires being totally truthful about addictive behaviors to the right person(s). Honesty in recovery is a foundation in the treatment I provide for clients struggling with addiction.
What has your experience been with honesty in recovery?
Contact us today to see if we’re a good fit to help you on your recovery journey.
Comments